Dual

“No I can’t do it anymore” says G renouncing.
“But you have to, you can’t thrive without it” spoke the man at the darkest corner of the table.

“And who are you to advise me? We met just 10 minutes ago.”
“mhunh my dear, we've been friends since you acquired intellect. I am your best friend.”

“What the hell are you talking?” asked G.
 “Truth mate. Which is that you exist because I aid you? Without me you’ll drawn in your own trench of sorrow and pity. Without me you’ll lose all your self-importance. Without me you’ll be a bug ready to get thrashed between the hands of...well any pair of hands actually.”

A dumbfounded G tried to say something but the laws of bio-mechanics diminished that moment. A waitress put two glasses of alcohol on the table. G supped his with in a blink.
The man said to the waitress charmingly “thanks, I don’t consume anymore. I am with the program." showing his golden brass palm "8 months this week.”
As soon as he finished G swallowed his glass of inebriant also.

Retaining his voice by the wonder of intoxication G says insolently “So what you saying is, that... you... do not...”
“What I am saying is this, ” interrupts the man “that you will not talk to that chick beforehand. If she talks to you first then only you’ll do whatever is that you will be planning this whole night to do the next day.”

All the whisky has evaporated from G’s consciousness with a splat and he blathers “how… owu… haw… how do you know that? You...”
“How do I know?” the man cut G’s blathering aggressively “You stupid urchin. I am not an encyclopedia that will give you your answers. I am your friend who gives you your strength. Who protects you from being vulnerable to the wits of others.”

 The man then rises from his stance and says "now I shall go. I can’t be seen with you for too long.”

G finally overcome his mutism and speaks in awe “What’s your name friend?”
The man turns. He is G himself.
“Look at the table” he says and walks out of the bar.

G throws his glance on the table and sees a word engraved on the table...
and the word was... ‘मै’|

पाताल में |

आकाश का बोझ सर पे गिरा,
धरती फटी, में जा गिरा,
गिरता रहाआआआआ...........
पाताल में... पाताल में... पाताल में...

जब था ज़मीन पे, सुनता में था.
आवाज़ों से बचता में था,
आवाज़ें... आवाज़ें...
गुप अंधेरे की चादर ओढ़े,
चीखतीं हैं जिंदा लाशें.
मेरे सामने, मेरे ख्वाबों में,
जब था ज़मीन पे...
तब मै मरा... तब मै मरा...
गिरता रहाआआआआ...
पाताल में, पाताल में, पाताल में...

पाताल में जब मै गिरा,
बचता रहा... बचना सका,
गिरते हुए आँखें खुली,
आँखें खुली... कुछ ना दिखा,
अंधेरा, अंधेरा, अंधेराआआआआआ...
अंधेरे में... गुम हो गया,
आवाज़ों ने पीछा किया,
मरते हुए भी... डरता गया,
गिरता रहाआआआआ...
पाताल में, पाताल में, पाताल में...

और जब मै उठा, मै उठा...
पाताल में उठा,
उसके तेज से मैं जल उठा,

तब मेरी आँखों ने देखा पहली बार उस अंधेरे को,
घेरे था मुझे जो, मेरे जीवन भर के सवेरे को,
भस्म हो गया वो अंधेरा मेरे जलते हुए शव की पतालाग्नी में,
नहीं रहा अब कोई डर मेरे इस हृदय में,
भाग गयीं वो आवाज़ें उस दैत्य अंधेरे की दुनिया में,
सो सकूंगा अब चैन से क्यूँ की मुक्ति मिली है अब मुझे...

पाताल में, पाताल में, पाताल में |

Being SUPERHUMAN

Like every kid in my world I did thought to be a Hero. An omnipotent guy blessed with the words of god himself. I: A boy with unlimited, incalculable supernatural powers. The difference between those boys and me is simple. Now that they are successful people with good jobs or pursuing higher education, I still think of me like that, a superhuman, a non-earning being.

"To save peasants from their miseries, to help the needy, to protect the week, to annihilate the wicked" kind of comic book stuff was just a side business. The real dream was to be free, enjoy the life like a dream.

I imagine me flying through an alley surrounded by trees from both sides, like a bullet pierce though a jelly cake; soft and smooth. I felt cold winds combing my hair. The thought of ‘could do this’ is embedded in it which gives a thrilling and adventurous joy of excitement. You blush pointlessly as if you are in love. Everything in real life seems like easy and possible.

Parallel to this surreal world there is a (what people say) more substantial world. In that world this mind boggling fantasy and wish for being superhuman is just a fictional escape plan. They say “There is nothing in the life worth enjoying for so you develop a fancy idea that somehow out of the blue you’ll acquire extra abilities over the rest of the world which will free you from the self inflicted slavery of your miserable life, an easy escape without struggle and pain. This dream is a byproduct of fear and insecurity. You are too pathetic to get over it.”

The things said by the human of the real world are hurtful but correct. But then I think “who’ll decide what’s right and what’s wrong in this world? So uncertain and unconvinced”. Even if all things you say are true even then I chose to dream myself BEING SUPERNATURAL, BEING SUPERHUMAN.

SNOW

INTO THE SNOW, I GO
THE VERY WHITE AND PURE
CALLING ME ALLURE
I RAN I JUMP
INTO ITS LUMP
LAY LOST
ON THIS COLD
BED OF FROST
SO PLEASANT
SO COMFORTING
THE CHILL OF THE REST
IT FED ME
ENDED MY THIRST
I MADE ANYTHING AND
CAN BREAK IT
WITH MY FIST
IT WON’T MIND
MOTHER NATURE
IS THAT KIND
WHEN I FIND
MYSELF IN THE ENDLESS
THE WORLD OF
SNOWFLAKES
AND ALSO
THE FROZEN LAKES
IT’S JUST A DREAM
IT’S JUST A DREAM
I SEE TREES PROTECTED
BY THIS WHITE BEAUTY
I SEE MOUNTAINS
RESPECTING THIS DEITY
BUT ONLY IF
I COULD, IF
I COULD TOUCH IT
THIS SNOW
TO FEEL IT’S GLOW
NO IT’S NOT COLD
AND NEITHER IT’S DAMP
NEITHER DREADFUL
OF ITS TAMP
THE SILENCE IS NOT
THE SORROW
BUT IT BRINGS ALL
CLOSE AND TOGETHER
INTEMATE HARMONY
LINKED WITH THE
EFFECTIONATE CALL
MAY BE
THAT’S WHY I DREAMT
AND I DREAM
STILL
I DREAM
FLOATING IN THIS FLOW
THIS PLEASING SHIVER
AND
THIS CHILLY SMELL
OF THE WHITE AND PURE
SNOW...

A dream of unbelievable happiness

When you are playing football alone in a great scenery,
with you having skills like the best of the best.
Then someone calls you to come back into the nest.
And you do the last skill,
kick a grounded shot towards the goal post.
the scene was so intense that it stay there for eons...
and finally the ball goes into the net
kissing the post, almost.
you jump in extreme joy
only to realize that it was just a dream.
A dream of unbelievable happiness...

The Little GONDOLA

I don't vividly remember who I was with or who brought me here with them. But I can make a vague guess that it was a young, heterosexual couple. In the dream I was a 12 year old boy with a body of me when I was 17. It was as old mystical place covered in a light pedestal mist which was not very translucent. There was an immense pond with grayish silver water but very pure and clear. A bunch of thin, plain coconut trees were at the one end of the pond with no coconuts on them. These trees were not growing on the shore but from the inside of the pond. I couldn’t able to see their foundation due to the mist and crystalline water. The ambiguous couple was my guardian and I was happy with them. They allow me to go to the partially immersed staircase which leads to the pond. I put my feet in the water on one of the stair. The water was pleasantly cold but not chilly.

I was very anxious to go into the water and I look at them with excitement in my eyes. She came to me with a toy in her hand. She gave it to me and gestured with a smile to me to go into the water. The toy was a little Gondola with a thick streamlined front and a long cylindrical shaft at its tail. The shaft end was spherical in shape. There was also an even bigger paddle to row the gondola (much bigger than gondola). Both of them were finely carved out of two different shiny willows. I placed them on the surface of the water and mount on the little gondola. It was merely one forth the size of my buttocks but surprisingly holding my whole body without turning inverted. Half immersed in the water, the thick pointy front was coming out of my crouch, separating my knees. I took the paddle and started rowing.

UNBELIEVELY the gondola started flowing on the water, moving smoothly carrying me without any difficulty. It was drifting fast like a motor boat but very suavely and slickly like a knife on butter. I felt like I was flying just over the surface of the water. At that point I knew that I was a dream but the beauty of it was that even though my conscious knew about the dream, my dream character was still unaware of this knowing. Hence it didn’t spoil the dream because the dream didn’t relinquish its to control to my consciousness. As a result I began to enjoy the dream even more.

So I was drifting in the pond with absolute excitement and joy. My feet were cutting the cold water which felt like somebody gently massaging your feet. Suddenly I realize the possibility of sharks and other flesh eating dreadful under water creatures and I pull my legs up quickly. I had almost reached the end of the pond and could saw the palm trees. I stopped paddling but the gondola won’t stop so I buried my feet in the water and then I pierce the surface of water with the paddle like a spear. The gondola stopped with a drag drifting sideways like a fast race car. The pond was going to end just a few yards ahead the coconut trees. I could not tell, if it was a waterfall or a reservoir but there was the huge dingy wall which was patronizing me. I took a turn after covering half of the pond because the other side was too fogy and I was too afraid to go there. I again start from the stairs at the shores and boy was I became master in paddling. This time I was enjoying it even more. I was the GondolaMan of the little gondolaand it was awesome as heaven.


Suddenly dawn arrived and it got a little dark. I was going very fast towards the tree and my judgment was hazy. Suddenly I realized that I was going to crash vigorously in to the trees. With all my might I throw my legs and jab the paddle in the water to stop myself from crashing (a sort of power brakes). Surprisingly it stopped just before the trees. I took a wheeze of relief; my MIGHTY little Gondola had saved me. I took a sharp turn in the other direction. I saw the lovely benevolent couple calling me with their hand to come back. It was also getting darker so I darted towards them. I left the gondola on the stairs and expecting to ride it again. The lady told me to get something by just pointing (nobody had said nothing yet, just gestures and pointing) to the far direction. I couldn’t see anything from there because it was misty so I started moving to place pointed by the lady.


When I entered the fog I saw a behemoth old and dingy Iron Gate covered with green lanky vines. The gate was half open. As I entered, I saw a surreal creature on the other side standing like a guard. It looked like a peacock but was twice the original size. I stopped walking because it opened its glittery blue-green eye like feathers. It looked very hypnotic but the same time I was very afraid by this gesture. The peacock started waving its feathers gently and I eventually assume that it was not a hostile stance but it had approved my existence there by approving me. It closed its greenish umbrella slowly and became relax. I started walking again. As I pass by the creature I had realized that it was quite different than the peacock apart from its size. The neck was very much shorter than a normal peacock and had four strong limbs instead of two thinner ones. I walked passed it completely, though the creature was relaxed it was still a dreadful bypass.


I could see a platform behind the opened part of the mammoth gate. A dog was resting on the lower level of the platform in a compact position probably sleeping. My next step made a faint sound which was loud enough to wake the dog. He rapidly stood up in a full upright position. It was a big Alsatian dog and had indeed deceived me about its actual physique. The clouds of dreadfulness were again covering my consciousness with fear. A sweet comforting sound ran through my ears which neutralized the conditional fear. “Don’t worry it will do nothing” said the little girl standing on the platform. It was the first vocal touch in the dream and it feels like obtaining an extra sense.


The dog stated whipping its tail while it’s dripping tongue got suspended out of his jaws. She was a very pretty, cute little girl wearing a pink sweater and a pink woolen cap with woolen stripes coming out covering her ears. She had a black thermal Pajami with warm and long boots. She spoke again “it’s getting darker. Can you take me to my mother?” but this time with a little concern. I noded in approval and She signaled me to put her up and carried her on my back and she fell asleep immediately. Her arms were tightly wrapped around my neck which was chocking it a little. I want to loosen them up a little but she was so cute and peaceful in her sleep that I decide not to disturb her. so I endured the discomfort.


The next thing i knew was that I was in the house of my village in UTTARAKHAND.


I was standing in front of a room with closed door with the little girl in my arms. His mother opened the door and took the girl in her custody and just walks away without saying a word. I was totally confused and amazed thinking about the present happening like ‘what’s this women doing in my village house? Is she the little girl’s mom? What the hell even I doing in my village?’ and I became more confuse.

I moved towards the ledge of the veranda wondering about the ineffable situation. At the edge I saw a beautiful site of the river ALAKNANDA flowing virtuously along the foot of the several HIMALAYAN Mountains covered with clouds. I noticed that the current is carrying something with it. I focused on that blurry ‘something’; It was the same little gondola flowing with the GANGA. Every turmoil and confusion in my head was gone and my heart became peaceful with the sound of the river. This beautiful scenery had relaxed me. I leant forward on the ledge to follow my gondola and then...

SNAP. I WAS AWAKE.

Restless NESS*

Why am I so restless…

Why my thoughts are never serene.

The non tranquil mind of mine never seeks peace nor the body…

The sleeps are dreamy that is a joy,

But it breaks like a little boy.

Humans can’t let them flatter and sublimate to satisfaction,

They change their dreams like clothes…

But are their dreams true?

Do they make truce?

Or are they dreaming in their soberness?

These dreams are mere expectations…

But my dreams are dreamy…

They combine my self with my consciousness and to my sleep.

Thus I can find the peace.

The uneasiness is that I didn’t have that sleep…

So my body is at a steep…

To prevent, is falling from the dream

And thus she shakes and trembles in her awareness like a scream.

Because she can’t be thrived in the unsteady…

Hence they come briskly at me together in my days as a flea.

Then I whittle down me and reach for them all together…

And now I am

Behaving like the catcher of the material dream.

I have to allow them to flow…

Let go.

They shall never to attack me together…

But fill me up with joy

And

Absolute freedom.